


The Visit

by ask4more



Category: E.R.
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-23 07:33:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3759856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ask4more/pseuds/ask4more
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in 2015, Susan visits Abby in Boston.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS/CONTINUITY: Set somewhere in 2015
> 
> FEEDBACK: Yes
> 
> DISCLAIMERS: ER is the intellectual property of Constant C Productions, Amblin Entertainment, and Warner Brothers Television. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's notes: This is my take on why we never had a goodbye scene between Abby and Susan. Her sudden disappearance was addressed so lamely, that I _had_ to do something about it.

 

* * *

It's a rather uneventful game despite Luka's excitement and cheering. Sure, Joe looks adorable in his little blue jersey but you can't really stay focused on what's going on so you play with your cell phone instead.

"Offside! Referee! Offside!", Luka yells and stands up, startling you.

"Okay… what's going on, would you calm down?", you try to reason with him but the other team scores and Luka resorts to that Croatian gibberish he uses when he wants to curse without you giving him a hard time.

"That kid was  _way_  offside!" he looks at you like it's the most obvious thing in the world.  
You smirk "What's that, soccer rule?"

He can't keep his eyes off the field but retorts "You use your  _foot_  and a  _ball_ , this is  _football_. Not  _soccer_ ".

You chuckle at his bad mood "Whatever you say, sweetheart…" and you notice her name straight away in your email inbox, the title "Guess who's in town? ;)" making you smile already.

_"Hey Mrs. K.,_

_I'll be in town till Friday, so you better clear your schedule and take me out;)_

_Miss you._

_Susan"_

Luka notices you smiling at your phone screen "Who's that?"

"Susan's in town, she wants to meet up", you smile.  
"Susan Lewis?".  
"Yeah …"

"Invite her over for dinner" he says before standing up and yelling some more at the referee.

_"Wanna come over for dinner tonight?"_  you type. Then you add  _"Miss you too"_  and tap the send button again.

_"No can do"_  she adds with a crying emoticon.  _"There's this work thing I have to attend"_.

_"What about tomorrow, I'm off at 7PM. We can go somewhere and catch up"_ , you send. Add a smiley face.

_"Can't wait."_  she answers and adds 2 little hearts and you feel yourself flushing a little.

"So, is she coming over?", Luka asks when he finally sits down after the final whistle.

"No, she has some work function tonight. I'll meet up with her for dinner tomorrow then, ok?"

"He nods "I'm on tomorrow night. I'll call Ashley and ask her to stay over. Tell Susan I said hi", he smiles.

* * *

You comb Joe's hair with your fingers as you two watch SpongeBob Squarepants nestled on the couch. Nothing beats these moments with your son and you can't help feeling guilty for all the days he's already down when you get home.

Your impending dinner with Susan makes you realize how much your life changed over the last years, how being a mother changed you. You knew right from the start that Luka would be an amazing father, but in your darkest hours, you feared you couldn't do this, that you'd mess it up. There had been some downs – that night with Moretti springs to mind – but you don't remember feeling this content since…  _ever_ , really.

But you  _do_  miss Chicago, it still feels like home. You do miss County, even if you won't be caught saying it aloud. You miss the camaraderie that can't be replicated in a hospital the size of Boston Medical Center.

You miss your friends there - even if most were already gone by the time you left.

And you really miss Susan. You never really had another friend like her in your adult life. Someone you could laugh with without worrying if you'd hurt their sensitivities with your dark humor; someone who would be there for you without imposing; someone who would listen to you without pity in their eyes.

_"We're friends, Abby. If you want to talk, you know where I am and if not, that's ok, too"._

She's the only one who never once tried to fix you. The only one that didn't seem put off by your drinking.

You chuckle as you remember her comment when you first met Neela.

_"I'm beginning to hate her", you frowned._

_Susan replied nonchalantly "She's a med student"._

_You stared at her "I'm a med student"._

_And she flashed you that smile of hers that disarmed you "You know, now that you mention it, she's pissing me off too. Come on, let's hate her together!"._

Ironically, you and Neela became really close after Susan left but it was not the same because Neela was almost like a little sister.

You  _love_  Luka, there is no doubt.

But you can't help but think what if. What if you two had acted on it that afternoon after you were abducted? This feeling lingers on after all these years and you're not sure it will ever go away. What if you hadn't shut her out? What if that kiss had led to more? What if Susan hadn't left so hurriedly, without a proper goodbye?

After your abduction she left messages on your answering machine for days, worried about you. You didn't want her to see you so terrified, you knew you would crumble down because she  _got_  you and she'd see behind the bullshit.

She'd see you weren't ok.

But there was this one time, weeks later, that she came knocking at your door. You stood quietly behind the peephole but she whispered softly " _Abby. I can see your feet under the door_ …".

She enveloped you in her arms as soon as she stepped in and that was it. The hard facade you had kept for everyone at work came down full-fledged and you wept in her arms for minutes.

Susan never said a thing, just held you and soothed you.

When she sensed you were calming down she gently took your face in her hands and whispered "It's okay, now. You are safe, Abby".

You'll never forget that moment when the energy around you changed, the air grew thicker and you could hear the wheels in your head turning.

With her hands still cradling your face, you pushed yourself on your toes, your eyes never leaving hers. You stopped inches before her so she could retreat. But she never did.

She looked at your lips and slowly leaned in.

When you felt her responding, her hands still cupping your face, something shuddered in your chest, like a panic attack rising. It was  _insane_ that you were kissing Susan Lewis in your living room and not wanting to stop. Your arms came to rest around her hips and she did this almost imperceptible sound in her throat, almost a moan, that left you floored and flushed.

When you both parted for air, you leaned against her forehead and stuttered "I'm sorry…".

She smiled gently, her green eyes twinkling at you "Don't. That was…  _wow_ ".

You backed her against the wall and resumed kissing her, afraid that she would change her mind and that you'd never summon up the courage again.

Things got more intense, her hand was now behind your neck keeping you close and your mouth wandered on her collarbone, careful not to leave marks.

Her pager buzzed between you two and you were kind of grateful for the interruption. The want you felt radiating in the pit of your stomach terrified you.

She cleared her throat "Uh… It's the ER. I'm on call. I gotta go…".

You nodded, looking at your feet "Yeah…".

She clutched at your hand, sensing your discomfort "Abby… Promise me you'll be okay. Call me later".

You never did and you avoided her the following weeks, terrified to be alone with her again.

What should you do with  _these_  feelings?

The day you found her letter in your locker, you cried silently in the lounge not really bothering that you weren't alone.

Susan was  _gone_.

 


	2. Chapter 2

You're downing your second martini while you wait for Abby who got stuck in a trauma at the last minute. She texted you and you told her you'd wait for her at your hotel's restaurant, no pressure. You know how traumas always manage to find you at the very last hour of a shift.

Well, not so much these days where you spend less and less time in the ER. You muse how sad it is that you miss getting your hands dirty, but you guess that's what happens when you're Assistant Professor of Emergency Medicine at University of Iowa.

There are days where you stand at your own office door and stare at that shiny name plate feeling nothing, thinking "Who is  _that_  person?".

The barman startles you "Hey, can I get you another one?".

You look at the olives at the bottom of your glass "Uh... I'm good. Thank you", you nod.

He smiles at you and winks "Let me know if I can get you anything...".

_Is he hitting on me?_

You return your attention to your iPad and your emails, not because he's not cute or you don't like the attention, but because you're trying to distract yourself from the anxiety of meeting her tonight.

Abby is such an enigma after all this time. You two email, skype each other on occasion but the thought of being with her in person unsettles you.

That afternoon in her apartment. all those years ago, woke something up inside you. When she kissed you, everything fell comfortably into place and it scared the shit out of you. You're kind of glad that the shut you out after that day because you know you  _would_  have stayed for her.

_If she had asked. Which she never did._

_So I ran away - I always run._

_Get a grip Lewis, you have a beautiful 10 year old boy at home and the career you wanted. And Abby has Luka and Joe and they're a family. All's good._

"Susan?", you look up and see her looking at you, a smirk dancing on her lips.

You jump up in surprise "Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't see you coming in", you stand up and throw your arms around her in a hug that lingers on a little too long, but what the hell, you missed her.

"You look great!", you smile, nodding in appreciation.

She shoots you a look "Please. I'm wearing scrubs under my coat". Then she looks a you for a moment "You, otherwise, look like a million bucks. Iowa's treating you well, I see".

You shake your head "No, it's just the tan! I went to Barbados with Cosmo".

Abby chuckles "I  _hate_  you! I don't even remember the last time we went away. How's Cosmo?".

You two are gushing over your boys pictures when the waiter comes to pick up your order. You order a glass of wine before thinking but Abby smiles and shakes her head at you like it's nothing "I'll just have water, please".

You two always could talk without words.

Luka appears on her screen and you smile "Luka's turning into a silverfox, watch out!". She just smiles.

You're relieved that you two can still talk easily like you used to, you share all the gossip from everyone at County that you got from Carter. You were anxious about uncomfortable silences but it's the same as it was back in Chicago.

Abby smiles and asks gently "So, how are you?".

"I'm great!", you chime, then roll your eyes. "There are days that I just can't believe that Chuck is marrying some girl half his age. But she's great with Cosmo, so...", you shrug.

"You were separated for some time now...", she adds while sipping at her glass.

"I know. I just... Didn't expect that he would move on so  _quickly_. And I'm ashamed to feel like this because I was the one that ended our marriage".

"You still love him?", Abby asks.

"It was never about  _unbridled_  love with Chuck... I mean, I love him for giving me my son and for the father that he is. He's there for me, always has been. But I realized I was never really  _in_  love with him...".

Red wine warms your cheeks and Abby looks so pretty by the candlelight. You shake these thoughts right away.

"So, I'm dating again, refusing to let myself wallow", you nod vigorously.

"How's that going for you?", she smiles, savoring her tenderloin.

"Let's just say I'm following your second date rule", you whisper and Abby starts laughing and almost chokes on her food.

You don't know how long you've been chatting away when the waiter comes and politely says they're closing, so you two get up but you don't let her to go just yet. You brag about the great coffee in your room and Abby accepts one cup before calling it a night.

Inside your room, Abby checks in with her babysitter and is relieved when she tells her Joe's asleep.

You hand her a cup of coffee "Still cream and no sugar, right?".

"You still remember...", Abby smiles quietly.

You sit on the couch and after her coffee is gone, she rests her head on your shoulder and you feel your heart rate creeping up.

"I'm sorry I was a bitch before you left..." Abby mumbles, her eyes on her coffee cup.

"You were going through a rough time", you answer and try to shake off the memories.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?", Abby looks at you and you know it's the alcohol but those kind eyes always seemed to look  _through_  you.

Your mouth goes dry because you imagined this conversation for years and now you don't know what to say to her.

"I didn't know what to do with my feelings. So I ran away, that's what I always do..." you shrug and smile nervously "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable...".

Abby shakes her head "I was scared...".

She's so close and you're admiring her lips, thinking about how many times you relived that kiss in your mind, how those memories and fantasies made you go through a failing relationship.

How that kiss is always on your mind when you find yourself in bars full of women.

_If only things had been different..._

Under the faint scent of latex and iodoform, you can still feel her perfume and you'd know better if you hadn't been drinking while you were waiting for her, but now your hand is stroking her cheek and her eyes are fluttered closed and you can't take it anymore because it has been too many years and she's not stopping you  _anyway_.

Your anxiety makes you kiss her way too vehemently but you relax when you realize she's not pushing you away. Her hands are at the nape of your neck and when you pull away for air, she rests her forehead against yours and you hear yourself whisper "Let me say goodbye...".

You feel your eyes watering and close them for a second -  _I'm a mess_  - , Abby cups your face and kisses you again, this time with more passion, like she wants you to know how much she wants this too, how this wasn't just some trick your drunk brain played at you.

A blur of lust takes you over and before you know it, Abby is splayed across your hotel bed, taking off her scrubs top, her eyes hypnotizing you again. You use your knee to spread her legs further apart and lean onto her, the sound of her moaning at the contact makes you ache between your legs.

The right thing would be standing up and inviting her out because Abby's married now and this will lead to nothing. But it's pointless and you can't resist. And you  _won't_.

You curl your index finger under her bra strap and pull it down, plant a kiss on her shoulder. Abby pulls urgently at your blouse and you wiggle out of it. You can't help notice her staring at your breasts and she reaches behind you to unclasp your bra, seconds after she does the same to her own.

It's such an erotic sight, Abby naked from the waist up, her dark hair fanning out on your pillow.

You trace a nipple with your fingertip and marvel at her skin getting gooseflesh.

"Susan...", she sighs, grabs the back of your neck and offers you her breast. You study it first, then close your mouth around it tentatively and Abby arches her back shoving her breast further into your mouth "Oh, God...".

It spurs you on and you unbutton her pants, slide your left hand past the coarse hair, freeze at the wetness you find there.

She smirks at you, eyes half closed "Don't back down on me now...".

Stroking her gently in circles, you look in awe at her expression softening. You continue touching her, leaning onto her side as you whisper into her ear "Is this ok?".

She nods and swallows a moan "Don't stop, please. I'm  _close_...".

It's amazing the effect these words have on your body, you feel yourself getting wetter and you pull down her pants roughly, return to your task and enter her with two fingers, your lips searching for hers like you've done this all your life.

It's medically  _impossible_  but you're afraid your carotid might detach from your neck because it's pulsing so loud in your ears, it's making you dizzy.

"Let me touch you...", she whispers gently and you nod and stop to pull down your slacks and underwear. Take a deep breath.

You lie naked on your side right next to her and you watch her hand roaming your skin. Her eyes hooded with desire, Abby reaches between your legs and starts rubbing you. You have to close your eyes for a second and brace yourself. She realizes you're trembling with desire and just smiles "Let yourself go...".

You nod and reach for her center again, mirroring her strokes and you two find a delicious rhythm like a rehearsed choreography. She throws her leg around your hip and you curl your fingers inside her, your other hand grabbing her neck because you want to see her eyes.

It's more animalistic than you'd thought, but there is tenderness in her eyes when she comes "Oh,  _fuck_ ".

You're mesmerized by the vision before you, take a mental picture of this moment.

And you want to cry because you'll never have her again.  _Not like this_.

She motions to continue touching you, you tell her it's okay but she shakes her head "No, no, no...".

Her skin shines with perspiration and her cheeks are flushed, she smiles as she settles you on the center of the bed then she slaps gently at your thigh "Spread your legs".

You're starting to feel self-conscious but she strokes your cheek sensing your discomfort, then slides down your body, the friction making you both gasp.

You part your legs for her and see her head lowering, her hair trailing down your body. She stops to kiss your stomach and you whisper, unsure "Abby... you don't have to...".

She smiles, but you can see hints of sadness in her eyes "Oh, I _do_. I  _really_  do...".

You don't know if she's ever done this before, but you know that no guy ever went down on you with such passion and thoroughness. You hope you're not hurting her because you're grabbing her hair a bit too forcefully, keeping her close just a little longer.

When you're done, you both lay side by side staring at the ceiling.

This is just a snippet of what you two could have had. But now it's too late: there's husbands and kids and a thousand miles between you.

She clears her throat "You okay?".

You turn to face her "Thank you...".

She nods because she knows what you mean.

You watch her dress but then decide to turn your back to give her some privacy, which seems odd considering recent events.

She stands before you fully clothed and you don't know what to say to each other. She strokes a strand of hair out of your eyes and leans closer for one last kiss "Take care of yourself...".

Her tongue parts your lips and your arms curl around her back just like that.

It's a kiss filled with love, longing and that you both know what it means.

It's the page you're turning almost ten years late.

Watching Boston's harbor skyline you feel lighter than you ever felt in years. Even if it was for just a couple of hours she was  _yours_  and you didn't have to hold back all those feelings anymore.

Now it's time to go home and finally move on.


End file.
